why is there such a rush to prove my brilliance, i don't know... but somehow it feels as if i am here to prove something... impress some people... claim that i am better than many (by some weird way...) and win appreciation... But, this is the case most often, not now... every time i felt like writing a blog, i quit for this very reason, this unbearable battle between 'to be true to myself' vs 'to be smart ass'... at times i am torn between the dilemma of how much is enough... guess i ve grown now... i have made an honest promise to myself... i will, for just this blog space, stay away from witty remarks or over-smart me... i always wanted to reflect on various facets of life (ahem!)or rather my insight to what i believe life is... not that i am meditating on issues of life and beyond... but, sometimes when i come across something that makes me think, i feel like putting them down somewhere... right from childhood i ve noticed this, that writing things down helps forming clarity about a topic, and probably the best medium to communicate to your inner self is this plain writing... all this from my experience of writing personal diary... i loved writing diary, specially on eventful days or days where i really needed to pep myself up (say before exams, etc and it worked!)... somehow growing had its toll on good habits...
... So that was about my reason to write...
now using '...' every now and then can be irritating and offending to some... my apologies for the same... the only reason i can think of is that when thoughts come in random broken pieces, they are best expressed this way... and here i go...
... So that was about my style of writing... I have more to this style other than just stupid ellipsis... and if patience doesn’t fail u, u may stick around to read more about my style, which i prefer to use in this blog arena... its a plan that i have formed over last few weeks... and explanation for the same follows...
When i was very young, and had to depend heavily on ppl to tell me what is right/wrong (not entering into any sort of debate whether i depend now as well or not...) That’s when i was taught, Ravan is bad, Ram is good, Hitler is bad, Gandhi is good, but no one told me about the people who are mix of both... For me, at that age, there was no color called grey... either it was white or black... One could either be good or bad, never both... Over that, with ample dose of ramayana and mahabharata (where apparently i learned that laughing like a rakhshash is bad, coz everything about them ought to be bad...) It was very difficult for me to understand the generosity of a bad person (at least i though he/she was bad, for my own weird reasons...) or it was even more difficult to understand one bad habit of a good person (one who was socially accepted 'good', and so did i...)
But, gradually with age i got wiser (love to believe it, so no comments please) I learnt the contrary, sort of a revelation... like u have when u reach 11th grade... u read new stuffs in physics that totally defies what u ve learnt till 10th grade...
I was introduced to grey... soon before i could realize, i categorized white and black, as extreme shades of grey... I learnt that every human is grey in nature... but i hardly had any idea, how wrong i was...
I learned not to judge a person by his annoying habit or one good generous act... not to build a complete character map by knowing a person very little... and most importantly, i learned to accept ppl as they are... back in kid-days i used to be irritated, trying to justifying a wrong action of a good man... but things changed, and i learned, every person is a human, a shade of grey...
not that nothing was immaculate... just that being grey itself is most immaculate thing...
But, alas, like every other time, when i form an opinion, try to stick by it, something shakes it to the core... i soon realized the existence of other colors... i enriched my outlook about ppl from mere grey scale to 16-bit color now... my gut feeling says, life ought to be better than 7.3 megapixel view... there ought to be more than gazillions of colors... and something tells me... everyone is a different shade of color... unique, but may be categorized in broader sense like Blue, Red, Yellow, grey, etc... i wish i could pin point what was ur color... more so my own color... it always fascinated me, study of human nature is second best thing to being in love...
.... hence my style of writing this blog... i shall refer ppl in the plots and discussions in this blog
space as some arbit color... it has loads of advantages... like, sometimes u just don't want to name him/her directly... this would truly suffice in camouflaging their real name with their color... not that i claim to understand which color the respective person is, its a mere futile effort... and in a process i wish to learn some more colors every time i blog... learn to see things beyond 12X optical zoom... yeah seriously...
canon camera these days come with 12X.. how neat is that? and best part its available for just 15K in US... i am contemplating gifting this camera to the perfect grey i have ever seen... Now go ahead, judge me for this... and if u re not, welcome to my blog... happy reading!
...feeling sleepy... blogging in office can be very tiring :-) coffee??
